Impossible Rules

scary christian tracts

When I was a Mormon missionary serving in Massachusetts in the early 1990s our message was quite positive.  What we were selling was purpose, lasting peace, true happiness and strong families.  Occasionally we found a credulous undereducated person who desired these things and we were able to seal the deal and persuade them to join our cult.

Yesterday I was handed two tracts at a church where I was working.  Unlike the positive products I offered as a missionary, these tracts were dripping with fear and guilt.  “Can this be effective marketing?”, I wondered.

Ever told a lie? Ever stolen anything? Ever used God’s name in vain? Ever looked with lust? … If you are guilty of these then God sees you as a lying, thieving, blasphemous, adulterer at heart. That means eternity in hell.

If that’s true then your god isn’t worthy of worship. He’s a megalomaniacal asshole. What’s more interesting is that this shtick might actually work! “Worship my god. If you fuck up just a little, even in your thoughts, he’ll consign you to an eternity in hell. Unless, of course, you do decide to worship him and tell all your friends about him.” Wow, sign me up! I love how god sets the rules so they are impossible to achieve then requires you to give up your life to gain his favor so you’ll be spared torture, torment and misery.

Thank you, Mark, for giving me your pride and joy and a million dollar tip.  And…no thanks.

1 Comment

  1. I not atheism I’m Cathloic but I grew up in a church were this not done. I have a church down the road from my house that hands this stupid stuff out all the time. I was tot that god is loving and caring not someone who Judges you for life’s many mess up. Many churchs take things twist them to what they believe and print them on fake money. Not a region is that fundamental. I have gotten 7 of the million dollar bills and plan to get more on Halloween. They will go were the other 7 went and the come worship with us mail goes THE TRASH I will keep my own believes. Like you said to there tracts NO THANKS

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