Facebook Ruins Crappy Relationships

Facebook broke my heart
Johnny Diaz, The Boston Globe, November 25, 2008

Kristin O’Neill blames Facebook for her recent breakup. O’Neill, a financial worker from Quincy, created an account on Facebook.com this year after hearing about the social networking site’s popularity from her boyfriend and friends. What she found on the site was the stuff of a bad Lifetime channel movie: Her guy had created two separate profiles. He posted salacious comments on other women’s photos, and he claimed he was in an open relationship. With printouts of his photo comments, O’Neill confronted her boyfriend of two years. He confessed. She dumped him.

Kristin, an obviously emotionally vulnerable young woman, claims that Facebook is “just awful.” Really? Facebook helped her discover she was in a relationship with a loser and she’s upset with Facebook? Perhaps a more mature person would blame the boyfriend instead of scapegoating a web site.

For some people, learning that a partner is chatting with former love interests is too close for comfort.

Like, get over it. How insecure and possessive does one have to be for this to be an issue? Charles Lindholm, professor of anthropology at Boston University, said, “When your old girlfriend in high school can look you up and start a conversation with you, it might be from a distance, but it is still a conversation.” Huh? If I were in a relationship with a person who was so insecure that they expected me to cease all former relationships, even if those relationships are strictly platonic, I’d walk away so fast I wouldn’t have time to say “goodbye”. Jealousy, insecurity, and possessiveness are immature and have no place in a healthy mature relationship.

In one forum, a member confessed: “A three-year relationship ruined . . . if it weren’t for Facebook, I would have never known he was sneaking around with other girls. . . . It’s pretty much the new form of cheating.”

If it weren’t for Facebook they would have never known they were in a relationship with a loser. They should be grateful for Facebook, not critical of it.

Finally, we have a bit of refreshing maturity.

Some Facebook users said they don’t mind if their better half engages in conversations with former romantic interests. They believe the initial rush of reconnecting with an old friend fizzles out after a few exchanges.

Facebook enables people to catch cheaters, if that’s what interests them. Caring about with whom your partner is conversing is immature. Be happy for the time you get with them and be happy for them if they are happy with another. Life is too short for pettiness in relationships.

Facebook is a great way to connect with people in current and past social spheres. If you don’t want to learn your partner is cheating don’t use the service. Deal?

Visit my Facebook profile.

3 Replies to “Facebook Ruins Crappy Relationships”

  1. Back before Facebook I discovered through a friend that my better (or worse actually) half was IMing with folks on AIM trying to hook up with people while I was at work. I promptly moved out two days later. So thank goodness for AIM (and a good friend). I saved myself years of having to put up with a cheater.

    Isn’t technology wonderful!

  2. @DJ – Yes, it is. Would life be any fun if relationships were always neat, tidy, and void of surprises and heartbreak? :)

  3. How asinine for her blame Facebook for a breakup! You’re right–she should be glad Facebook made it possible for her to discover her boyfriend’s cheating.

    Most of us have some insecurities, but they’re not necessarily healthy. If your mate or whomever you’re with is not happy with you, why would you want to be with them anyway?

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