Someone emailed this to me. I thought it was good enough to post for your enjoyment.

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it’s best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

Cherry Mistmas !

christmas · email · funny · humor · recipe

A friend emailed this to me. Enjoy.

cartoon · christmas · frosty · humor · snowman

If the thought of another Republican administration didn’t have me searching for my passport this story certainly did.

Wal-Mart Employee Trampled to Death by Customers
Jack Healy, NY Times, November 28, 2008

A Wal-Mart employee in suburban New York died after being trampled by a crush of shoppers who tore down the front doors and thronged into the store early Friday morning, turning the annual rite of post-Thanksgiving bargain hunting into a frenzy.

You know the economy is in poor shape when people, in order to save a couple bucks on cheap foreign-made crap, tear the doors off the hinges of a Wal-Mart and trample to death an employee?

Disgusting. Sickening. Sad. Embarrassing. Merry Christmas, everybody.

christmas · death · shopping · walmart

Festibond 2007 was a tremendous success. We all agree it was much better than Christmas and are eagerly anticipating the next one. In fact, we are considering making Festibond a semiannual family tradition.

Waiting to give gifts

Christmas, at least as it is celebrated in the United States, is a secular holiday. Santa Claus with his magic flying reindeer, the hanging of bright strings of lights, baked goodies, gluttonous consumerism, snowpeople, decorated indoor pine trees, sending greeting cards to rarely thought-of friends and family in distant locales, and spending time with family have almost nothing to do with the humble birth of precious baby Jesus. It is, quite simply, a secular holiday observed with silly traditions and symbols few people understand. Despite this obvious fact, many people consider it a religious holiday and, as an atheist, I wanted to distance myself from it as much as possible. Opting-out was an easy and natural decision for me. Kirsten, however, struggled with letting it go. She remembers fondly her childhood Christmas celebrations and wanted our girls to have similar memories. After many discussions we decided to let Christmas go and invent our own celebration and associated traditions.

Hayley reads her messages

Initially we referred to our new celebration as “The Danley Family Holiday Celebration”. Yeah, that’s like, way too long. One of our primary goals was to create a celebration that would unite the family. Therefore, Kirsten coined the term “Festibond” for our collection of traditions. So far, it has stuck.

We didn’t want the girls to be teased at school for being different or feel gypped because they weren’t getting presents like all the other kids. Our intention, therefore, was to make Festibond cooler than Christmas. This meant we were going to have gifts and we would do it before December 25th. Kirsten and I had many long discussions about what we wanted to do, what we wanted to avoid doing, and the lessons we wanted to teach the girls. We also had several family meetings to get feedback and ideas from the sisters. It was important that the gifts we would give each other would be small; that we would emphasize giving over getting; and that everything planned would foster love, appreciation, and cooperation.

The best idea came from Kirsten. She brilliantly suggested each person write a letter to each other member of the family. The letter was to include expressions and examples of why we love, appreciate, and respect the person to whom the letter was written.

At mid-morning on December 24th we ate at our favorite breakfast restaurant, Eggspectation, in South Portland. As usual, the food was excellent. After brunch we went to the mall for some last minute shopping before heading home. Kirsten, Hayley, and I had to finish our letters and Hayley had to wrap the present she had gotten for Kirsten earlier at the mall.

Skye and Hayley hug

For the gift portion of our Festibond we sat on the floor of the girls’ bedroom, each of us next to the small pile of gifts we would be giving. On someone’s turn they would first read their letter, give a hug to the recipient, and give them the gift. After the recipient opened the gift they would hug the giver again and place the gift somewhere out of the way. Then the giver would give their next gift following the same pattern until all their gifts had been given and it was the next person’s turn to give their gifts. This went on, of course, until each member had given all their gifts and read all their notes. When it was over we each had an envelope of letters we had received from the other family members. It was indescribably heartwarming to listen to the girls read their thoughtful, sincere, genuine, and immensely kind letters.

Jenna and Hayley hug

For the remainder of the day we played together and snacked on candy, cheese, crackers, and a Hickory Farms Beef Stick. It was a wonderful celebration that I’m sure we’ll each remember for a very long time. Festibond is unique and it is ours. I’m sure our observance of Festibond will evolve, and that’s okay. It will always be ours and always be exactly the way we want it to be. That, I think, is a very cool thing.

2007 · atheism · celebration · christianity · christmas · festibond · holiday · tradition

‘Tis the season for buying people a bunch of crap they didn’t already buy for themselves because…well…it’s crap. I’m surprised Christians don’t skip Christmas to protest the fact that marketers have stolen their most sacred celebration. But I digress, that is not what this post is about.

For a long time I’ve loathed those little bits of plastic which had to be spent before the expiration date and could only be spent at one store. Gift cards. Several times I’ve found a gift card in my junk drawer and discovered, after an internet query or call to the cardcenter, that it had a $40 or $100 balance. Luckily I’ve never discovered this on the wrong side of the expiration date. How much money, I wondered, is left in the pockets of retailers when these balances go unused past the expiration date. Or how much do people not spend trying to get close, but not exceed, the card value? And how much money do consumers spend in excess of the card value?

You see, I don’t like shopping. I presume neither do the people who give me the card. The gift card compels me to shop. It also locks me in to a single retailer, in most cases. If I find an item for a lesser price at a competing store, I can not take advantage of the better price.

It’s a bad deal. What is the advantage over cash? We’ve seen the disadvantages. Do people really feel like they’re putting the effort of thought into the gift when they lock you into a single retailer? If so, it’s a stupid argument.

Do I sound like Scrooge yet? My apologies. You can imagine, then, how glad I was when a good friend of mine, Steven Pam, sent me the link to a blog post by Seth Godin regarding this very issue. Seth, it seems, pulled the words right out of my mouth. I love when people agree with me.

So please, send cash. I take checks, too. Better yet, keep your money. I don’t need any more junk.

christmas · crap · gift card · junk · shopping · stuff