TAG | kirsten
Today Kirsten underwent her third operation in the fight against her pituitary tumor.
Supra-Orbital Craniotomy
Kirsten Uhler, Cogitations, August 23, 2009
Instead of going in through her nose like the previous two times they went straight through her forehead skull. Her neurosurgeon, Dr. Florman, doesn’t shave. Instead, he parts the hair, cuts between the hairs, folds the face down, drills a hole in the skull, removes as much tumor mass as possible, patches the skull hole with a metal plate and screws, and sews the skin back in place. I know. I don’t like it more than you.
Kirsten is a tough girl. She rarely mentioned her surgery and said she wasn’t much nervous.
They called to tell her they were ahead of schedule and were moving her surgery up to 14:30 from 15:30. That cut down our picnic time, but we didn’t mind. We ate in the grass in the shade of a tree just outside the hospital on Portland’s Western Promenade. It was a fantastic morning.
Surgery prep was fairly routine. She got an IV and signed her life away (literally). Dr. Florman came in to review the procedure, and then the anesthesiologists did the same. Then they wheeled her away.
Kirsten is the greatest woman in the world, for me
I am madly in love, and it feels so good! Kirsten and I met at Ricks College in eastern Idaho during our fall semester in 1991. The dopamine reaction was intense and immediate! I was hooked.
My feelings for Kirsten have not waned over the years. In fact, they have intensified. We have three young daughters and a wonderful life here in beautiful coastal Maine. I can’t get enough of her. I love her smell, sexy body, curious intellect and childlike sense of humor. She is dedicated, organized, compassionate and patient. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
Kirsten is–in addition to being my partner in parenting–my very best friend. I can talk to her about anything without worrying about how she might react. She’s cool. She understands me (and still likes me) and gives me the space I need, when I need it.
I hit the girlfriend jackpot!
5
Marriage Is So Last Century
4 Comments | Posted by Brent Danley in family, philosophy, religion
Traditional Marriage: An Outmoded Institution
Kirsten Uhler, Cogitations, May 5, 2009
Kirsten wrote a brilliant paper on marriage for the sociology course in which she is currently enrolled.
None of the “benefits” of marriage require marriage. Children can be conceived and reared and sexual satisfaction can be had without any legal contract or public vows of commitment. I’m glad the proclivity toward marriage is waning.
In the newly Christianized countries of Northern Europe marriage was essentially a business deal between the bridegroom and the bride’s father. The symbol of a successful “bride sale†was the ring (a form of down payment) which was given to the bride herself. Acceptance of the ring constituted betrothal. The full payment of the “bride price†was made on delivery, when the actual wedding took place. Since then, the ring has acquired many other symbolic meanings and is still used in our modern marriage ceremonies (Haeberle, 1983). It still signifies to me that a woman has been “bought,†the price of the ring indicating her value.
I’ve long argued that wedding rings are a superficial waste of money. I haven’t wore mine for years.
The common laws turned the married pair legally into one person—the husband. The husband was enlarged, so to speak, by marriage, while the wife’s giving up her own name and being called by his symbolized her relinquishing her identity. This legal doctrine of marital unity was called coverture (Cott, 2002). This meant that a wife could not use legal avenues such as suits or contracts, own assets, or execute legal documents without her husband’s collaboration. The husband became the political as well as the legal representative of his wife, disenfranchising her.
Coverture is fucked up!
I am in a wonderful relationship with Brent. We are only married to receive the legal benefits we would not otherwise have. We are still together because we make each other happy. We have history together. We have insight into each other. We agree on important philosophies and values. We enrich each other and affirm the best in each other. We challenge each other and make each other want to be a better person. We communicate; we’re open and honest with each other. We appreciate each other’s uniqueness and value. We have regular and exciting sex. We show affection. We don’t keep score or compete with each other. We share responsibilities. We have children together and agree on parenting styles. And we are best friends. All these things keep us together and happy. Our marriage does not.
I love you, too, Kirsten.
Promising to love someone tomorrow is puerile. The subjugation of women is immoral. An expectation of sexual fidelity is insecure, unreasonable and selfish. Traditional marriage should, like religious myth, be relegated to history.
Petition Granted and Ordered
Kirsten Uhler, Cogitations, May 2, 2009
Kirsten changed her name from Jan Kirsten Danley to Kirsten Uhler. I had been encouraging her to change her last name for a long time. She initially resisted the suggestion because Danley is easier to pronounce than her birth name, Uhler (yoo-ler). When she began researching the history and significance of women changing their name at marriage, the decision to jettison Danley and assume Uhler was swift and final.
She also took the opportunity to legally drop her first name, Jan.
When I watched her stand before the probate judge and raise her right hand to swear the oath I was filled with pride. Kirsten’s courage and resoluteness are extraordinary. When the judge ordered the change we were both ecstatic and filled with emotion.
Mackworth Island, Maine
Kirsten and I enjoyed each other and the gorgeousness of Maine on Tuesday. I received a tweet last week about Mackworth Island and planned to take Kirsten after her class. Kirsten wanted to go to the beach. So we did both.
The temperature reached an unseasonably warm 96.5 °F, which is a bit warmer than my preference.
The hike around Mackworth Island was very nice. The tourists aren’t here yet so there were only a few people and plenty of available parking. Neither of us had ever hiked the 1.25 mile perimeter trail around the island. The vistas are beautiful, of course. The center of the island is the Baxter School for the Deaf, so Kirsten said we could make as much noise as we wanted. On the east side there is a fairy village in the woods. The girls will LOVE that when we go back. Kirsten and I held hands as we walked and spent a long time relaxing on a swinging bench on the south side overlooking Portland.
I love Peaks Island, Maine. It’s just a short ferry ride from Portland and small enough to easily walk or bike around. This time of year it’s also pretty quiet, which is nice. The back side is unprotected so the waves crash against the jagged rocks and toss rounded stones into the air.
Wednesday morning Kim, Mike, Kirsten and I took the short ferry ride over. The weather was brisk and graying, but we were determined to enjoy ourselves regardless. Mike and Kim talked Kirsten and I–who were very reluctant–into renting tandem bicycles. The bike shop on the island wasn’t open for the season but we were able to dig a couple bikes out of the shed and inflate the tires. It was a fantastic idea!
We ate sandwiches on the seaside and watched the surf. I took a few pictures, of course. It was a great time!!
Brent, Kirsten, Mike and Kim at the Peaks Island ferry dock
Last week a friend introduced me to a great little dive bar just a few blocks from our house. Mulligan’s in Biddeford has free pool, draught Guinness, and everything on the menu is less than $5.
Tuesday I took Kirsten for lunch. We played pool and downed a few pints of Guinness. She had a fish sandwich. I ate her fries.
Kirsten gives the menu a look
I love St. Patrick’s Day. It is my favorite holiday, by far! No gluttonous meals, no gift exchanges and no god! It’s just people dressing up in crazy green outfits, lots of great (Guinness) beer, parades, and pinches. It is holiday done right!
Kirsten and I celebrated at Bull Feeney’s in Portland. They had live music, Irish dancers and bagpipers. It was awesome. The place was packed with people who were festive, lubricated and in a partying mood. The food was awesome and the beer just the way we like it: smooth, dark and creamy.
Enjoy the pictures.
Bull Feeney's Pub: Lobsters Love Guinness
Kirsten's MRI scans, January 27, 2009
Kirsten’s Prolactinoma
Brent Danley, The Rhetoric, August 3, 2006
A few of my favorite things
